Dear Minerva, I realise that I might seem like the smuggest and most ungrateful person ever to write to you. I am trusting in the fact that I cannot be the only one who has experienced something they spent their whole life wishing for, only to find themselves confused, at a loss, dare I say underwhelmed?
I was recently reunited with my parents after years apart. It was not an easy separation by any means. I was snatched from them as a child, kidnapped and then enslaved. All that remained of my past life was my hope that I might one day be restored to it. Luckily, I had a chest full of recognition tokens to help me do just that, should the opportunity ever arise. I was not the only girl in this situation, and in fact the friendships I formed with my fellow slaves were one of the few good things I experienced during this time.
As I reached womanhood, my fortunes changed slightly. A young man professed to be in love with me, promising to buy me from my wicked master. It wasn’t the freedom I craved, but it was an offer of escape from a life I loathed. Of course, it was not to be.
My master tricked the young man, taking his money, and then sailing away with me and my friend to sell us elsewhere and double his profits. I suspect that his treachery angered the gods, because our ship was wrecked in a storm, the aftermath of which led me to where I am now.
It just so happened that the island on which we washed up was my childhood home! Despite the convenience of the location, it still took a ridiculously long time for matters to be resolved. Eventually though, I was claimed by my parents as their long-lost daughter. The trouble is that they are practically strangers to me now. I believe that they are pleased to have me back, but our reunion was not at all like I had imagined.
To complicate matters, my young man pursued us here and my family have promised me to him in marriage. I don’t hate the idea, but it feels a little odd to leave my home almost as soon as I have returned to it.
I suppose my main worry is that by losing my freedom as a child, I lost all chance of having the normal, happy life I was born into. Will things improve with time? Or is my best option to move on with this marriage?
–why_you_gotta_be_so_rude(ns)
Minerva says: Honestly, you couldn’t make it up, could you?! What were the chances of you being shipwrecked onto the island where you were born?
You are right in thinking that you are not alone. Sometimes the things which people hope for become a reality in a completely unexpected way, understandably making them feel off balance. Even your own reaction to this long-dreamed-of moment wasn’t what you imagined, and it will be all too easy to focus on that as you attempt to process what has happened. The keys to coping with it all will be patience and kindness – for yourself and your parents.
Speaking of your parents, I invite you to put yourself in their sandals for a few moments. After all, this reunion is probably even more of a surprise to them than it was for you. They had no way of knowing what happened to you after you were taken from them, no way of knowing that you were even alive. While you were armed and ready with your recognition tokens, they may have given up all hope of seeing you again. Their shock might have clouded all other reactions for the time being. You’ve all been through a lot, and not just in the past few days. It’s going to take time to adjust.
Put yourself in your parents’ sandals
I wonder if another thing that is preventing you from enjoying your dream come true to the full is a slight sense of guilt. You mention other young women with similar trauma from your life as a slave. Is there some part of you that feels that your newly regained freedom is unfair to them, that is questioning whether you deserve to be the lucky one?
In many ways I hope that you are thinking of these women, but while you hold them in your thoughts and prayers, bear in mind that if they are truly your friends, then they will be happy for you in your good fortune – even if slightly begrudgingly. Your discovery of your long-lost family may even provide them with the hope that their old life is still out there somewhere, waiting for them to claim it.
Is part of you questioning whether your deserve to be the lucky one?
Now onto the matter of your marriage. I agree that it would be utterly ridiculous to leave your home again so soon. Surely nobody would expect, or want you to do that. If you love this young man then by all means marry him, but I think you need to deal with your most recent major life event first. I’m thinking a long engagement is the best course of action while you take time to figure things out.
You’ve had a difficult start in life, but now that things have resolved themselves as they have, I seen no reason why the rest of it would not be as ‘normal and happy’ as you desire – once the initial impact of this revelation has subsided. The curtain has fallen on your past, it is up to you to write the epilogue.
Dear Athena 