Dear Athena

Dear Athena, I know that it is hardly unusual for a woman in our society to feel as though her life does not truly belong to her, but sometimes I feel as though I must have less autonomy over my own existence than any other woman in Greece.

Take, for example, my father’s decision to lock me in a tower in order to prevent me from having children (he was trying to avoid a prophecy). In spite of his precautions, and thanks to a shower of gold, I became pregnant anyway. His response to this was to lock me up once more. He packed me and my new born son into a chest, which he promptly threw out to sea.

Miraculously, we managed to survive this ordeal, and we washed up on an island where I spent a peaceful few years raising my son in a fishing village. However, that peace was shattered recently when the king of the island took it into his head that he must have me for his wife. My son decided to decline this proposal on my behalf. Now, as it happens, I do not want to marry the king, but I would so have appreciated being consulted. It is well and truly out of my hands now. My son has been sent off on an impossible quest, and only if he succeeds will I be able to escape this union.

I hate that my own future is so far beyond my control, but I’ve had such little authority over my own life that I don’t know if I’d even be able to take charge were I given the opportunity. Am I capable of making a decision? Will I ever be given the chance to find out. If nothing else, is there any way that I can feel less powerless? –got2get_this_off_my_sea-chest

Athena says: I must admit to being incredibly glad that I am a goddess, I can only imagine how difficult it must be to live the life of a mortal woman. But I have to say, given the number of times that you have been locked away, I think that any woman reading this would be glad that she’s not you. You are right that you have been exceptionally badly treated, and I think that your resilience is remarkable.

You have asked a few questions, and so I am going to start with the one that I think has the simplest answer: yes, you absolutely are capable of making a decision. In fact, you make thousands every single day. Every sentence you have uttered, every step you have taken, every bite you have eaten, these are all the result of choices made by you. There are so many decisions to be made everyday that you have stopped noticing them. On the whole, this is a very good thing, imagine how much time people would waste debating the pros and cons of every tiny thing!

You make thousands of decisions everyday

However, in your case, I want to encourage you to pay attention to all of these moments, to practise becoming aware of each time you make a choice so that you can prove to yourself that you are more than capable of doing so. And I can assure you that it won’t only be small decisions that you have made. You are a mother, think of how many problems you’ve solved and questions you’ve answered. Consider more recent incidents too, after all, you resolved to write to me, didn’t you?

The fact that you’re taking steps to seek advice on your situation suggests to me that you are further along your journey to taking back ownership of your life than you might think. A huge aspect of being in control is believing that is is possible to do so. You’ve become so accustomed to being at the mercy of the whims and desires of others that it is likely that you have barely had the chance to think about what your own might be, let alone consider making them a reality.

What is it that you do want for yourself?

So what is it that you do want for yourself? Don’t worry if you can’t answer straight away, instead try to come up with something small and achievable. A goal that will give you the momentum to push forward to what it is that you really desire, once you’ve worked out what that is. I’ve said it before, but hope is a powerful thing, and in your case having hopes and dreams for your future will be vital in giving you a reason to want to take charge of it.

It sounds as though your world has been dominated by male characters, your father, your son, and now this king. Are there any women that you can turn to? Coming to me with your problems is a start, but discussing how you feel with other mortal women could be hugely beneficial. The solidarity that you will find in your shared experiences is remarkably empowering. So if there are no other female figures in this story, might I suggest that you seek some out? Putting this support in place will go a long way towards helping you to feel less powerless and alone.

Going forward, you should know that you are more than capable of taking your future into your hands, I just hope that you are given the chance to prove it. Whatever happens, keep reminding yourself of how strong you are, keep asking yourself what you want, and above all, keep going.