Dear Athena, I have spent the last decade of my life in Egypt. I imagine that this will come as a surprise to many people, as half the world believes that, ten years ago, I abandoned my daughter, husband, and home to run off to Troy with a handsome stranger.
Obviously, this is not the case.
My arrival in Egypt is a little hazy. I don’t have a clear idea of how I got here, nor do I remember leaving, or – more accurately – being taken from, my home.
I do, however, remember the news reaching me of ‘my’ flight from Greece. That was quite a shock. My first thought was for my daughter. I couldn’t bear for her to think that I had abandoned her. Our separation, knowing that she has grown up without me, has been the most difficult aspect of my long exile. The devastating war that erupted as my husband and his allies set off to claim ‘me’ back has also been a heavy burden to bear.
“Why didn’t you return home from Egypt and point out this case of identity theft?” I hear your readers cry. “You could have stopped the war!” If only. You see, I am a prisoner here. Held captive by the gods, and a local nobleman, until the end of the war, when, I am told, my husband will be made aware of the reality of my whereabouts and I will be released to him.
The prospect of this reunion fills me with both joy and trepidation. While I am greatly looking forward to being able to share the truth and to returning to my life and home, I fear that it can never be the same, that the actions of my phantom self have forever tainted my image and character in the eyes of others. Who will believe my story? I’m not sure that I would. If I hadn’t lived it, I would be inclined to believe that it was a ‘clever’ way for my husband to re-write this tale so that his wife didn’t really leave him…
I may not have gone to Troy in body, but there can be no denying that I was there in name. The idea of me is still what caused all those young men to sacrifice their lives, all those wives, mothers, sisters and daughters to spend their days hoping for news and praying that they’ll like what they here. And what of my daughter? The thought of me must have brought her such shame and sorrow. Can I really just sail back into her life as if nothing had happened (which is sort of the truth, I suppose)?
Whatever comes next, I know it isn’t going to be easy. How can I face the people back home? I don’t suppose they’ll be pleased to see me. I feel as though I owe them all an apology. Part of me wonders whether it would be better if I did not return at all. My name, my face, my presence, would always be a reminder of the loss and suffering. Or would my absence merely highlight the pointlessness of the war? I’ve had ten years to think about it, but I still don’t know what would be best for everyone. Can you help me decide before my husband arrives? – not_a_ghost_writer
Athena says: Let me reassure you that this particular divine plan never came across my altars. I don’t know who is responsible, but I shall certainly be bringing it up at the next council of the gods. It seems to me that you, my dear, are the one in need of an apology. To have been used in this way; to have known for all those years that everyone you cared about believed the worst of you and being powerless to do anything about it… I am full of admiration for your ability to cope, and hope that you are proud of yourself too.
Your observations about the lack of plausibility in your situation are most astute; it is a very convenient way of allowing your husband to retain his marital dignity. However, your ability to uncover plot holes is not something that I should be praising you for right now. Of course everyone is going to pick apart your story, there’s no need for you to do the work for them. If you are to have any hope of convincing others of the truth, then you at least need to believe it yourself.
Everyone is going to pick apart your story, there’s no need for you to do the work for them
You’ll notice that I’m not offering the usual reassurances that everybody is too busy focusing on themselves to think about you. While this would usually be the case, you have been afforded no such lucky escape. Even before the abduction of your identity, you must have been accustomed to some level of fame; not only are you a queen, you are also the (mortal) world’s most beautiful woman. It is only natural that such a status would lead to renown. Unfortunately that renown has now evolved into notoriety.
Everyone knows who you are. They are thinking about you. They are talking about you. They are judging you. I realise that this is not a pleasant reality to have to accept, but it may be possible to turn it to your advantage. As the hottest topic being churned along the rumour mill, any new story about you is going to travel fast and far. One tiny whisper of your true whereabouts for the past ten years is more than enough to plant the seeds of doubt over your Trojan escapades. It still won’t be fun while it lasts, but I believe that the gossip will die down much sooner than you think. For one thing, it won’t be long before some other mortal is accused of doing something terrible and all attention will switch to them.
You’ve been isolated for the past ten years, but you don’t have to face the next chapter alone
I almost feel as though I have devoted too much time to what other people think. You know as well as I do that the only opinions about you that really matter are your own and those of the people you love. Those who care about you will immediately see the truth in what you are saying. Yes, the past won’t vanish, everything won’t immediately be fixed, but imagine how overjoyed your daughter will be to have you home, to be given proof that you would never willingly abandon her. You have a lot to talk about and work through, but the brilliant thing is that you can do it together.
You’ve been isolated for the past ten years, but you don’t have to face the next chapter alone. Whatever challenges and difficulties arise, you will have people around you and on your side. That being said, if and when you get in touch with your sister, I would recommend exercising supreme delicacy. She suffered a truly terrible loss at the start of the war, which I’m sure you will learn about soon enough.
Through no fault of your own, you have become a symbol of victory
Her tragedy is not another thing for you to add to the guilty burden that you have been forced to carry. People are going to be looking for someone to blame, so it’s important to keep reminding yourself that you are not responsible for the war, nor for any of the pain that it caused.
For what it’s worth, it seems to me that the absconding of your phantom self was merely an excuse for the rulers of your land to make an attack on Troy which they had desired for some time. There is an inevitability to the whole situation which I hope can provide some comfort as you are confronted by how unjustly and shockingly the idea of you has been used.
And this idea remains a powerful one. No matter where you have actually been, your return is going to be vital to morale. Through no fault of your own, you have become a symbol of victory. Your presence will indeed offer a reminder of the war, but it is not just a reminder of the losses endured, you are proof of who the winners are. As you have correctly surmised, people would rather see that the cause for which their loved-ones died was ‘successful’ than be made to question whether it was even worthwhile.
Allow yourself to enjoy the reunions, daunting though they may be
So many have been affected by the events set in train following your disappearance, that I’m afraid it would be simply impossible to do ‘the right thing’ for everyone. I’m not even completely sure what that would entail. People are going to be unhappy with you for some time, and that’s something that you’re going to have to come to terms with. Bearing that in mind – as well as the appalling way that you have been treated – I think, on this occasion, you’re entitled to do what’s best for your and yours, which is easier to figure out.
It’s time to go home. Tell the truth where possible, but otherwise do your best to shut out the rumours and speculation. Focus instead on your family. Allow yourself to enjoy the reunions, daunting though they may be. Talk through the past, look to the future, and above all make up for lost time.
You might also like:
Dear Athena 