Will my relationship become a total snooze-fest? (Selene)

Dear Athena, this might be a slight issue in terms of anonymity, but I feel that I need to inform you from the get go that I am a goddess. What’s more I am a goddess who has fallen in love with a mortal. It is far from ideal and the tiniest bit embarrassing, but there’s nothing I can do. My heart belongs to him and his to me.

Sadly, no matter how besotted we are, we can’t avoid the trip hazard that lurks in the path of all human-divine relationships. He will not live forever. We have had to face the thought of not spending the rest of our days together. Actually, though, we have come up with a solution to this. Sorry if you had started preparing some ideas of your own or if you were going to let me down gently and prepare me to cope with grief.

No, we have discovered that it would be possible for my beloved to retain his life and his youth by drifting off into an eternal sleep on an enchanted mountain. I often have to work nights, but on those when I am free he can be woken and we can enjoy precious time together.

Sounds good, right? Well, that is precisely why I have written to you. I need to know whether you think we ought to go through with this plan. While I’m delighted by the prospect of my lover being around forever, I do have some concerns. Will he resent the sacrifice of his full mortal existence? Will we grow tired of one another? Will we both become bored of having to spend our few hours together in the same place doing the same things night after night and year after year. We’re so happy together now and I would hate to see our love tarnished by our desperation to hold onto it. Are these worries problems that we can work through, or should we just be making the most out of the time we have? -mooning_over_you

Athena says: You’ve got to love a good loop-hole. No two cases are the same, of course, but if this works, it could be a real turning point for god-mortal relationships. Although, forging permanent attachments doesn’t seem to rank highly in the priority lists of our male colleagues…

All this to say, well done to you for working to come up with a solution! It never does any harm to get a second opinion though, does it? Especially when you’re dealing with eternity. And I suspect that it is the scale of this commitment that lies at the root of your concerns.

We immortals are unfamiliar with forever, so I know that choosing to spend an endless future with somebody is a real step out of your comfort zone. It’s impressive that you’re even considering it.

We immortals are unfamiliar with forever

If it puts your mind at rest, I’d say that forever doesn’t have to start right now. I know that human time flies by for us, but your lover isn’t actually going to age over night. You’ve thought of a solution, you’ve found a way to stay together, and now you have time to think about it, talk about it – with each other and not just me!

A key ingredient in making your plan successful is going to be balance. You’re right, not living out the rest of his mortal life is an enormous deal for your partner, but might I suggest reframing the idea as a ‘choice’ rather than a ‘sacrifice’. It’s so much less negative. He is choosing this youth and beauty sleep so that you can continue to spend time with one another, and you are making choices to do the same. As you say, you’re a busy working goddess with a demanding calendar, and now you are dedicating your free time to a relationship that has its fair share of limitations. Travel, social events, community, these are all off the table. This concept of a mutual decision to be together will be vital in your discussions about how this plan might work.

An eternity of the same date night is going to lose its lustre at some point.

Now let me brighten the mood with some ideas about keeping boredom at bay. However much you love each other, an eternity of the same date night is going to lose its lustre at some point. You may not be able to travel together physically, but there is not reason why you can’t bring the world with you on your visits to the mountainside. Food, literature, music, vessels of life and culture from every corner of the globe are at your disposal, you are a goddess after all.

The same idea applies to social events. Just because you can’t attend them as guests doesn’t mean that you can’t host them. You could take the music idea even more seriously and create your own private concert venue. The two of you can be as creative, or as peaceful as you dare, however the muses strike you.

I would caution you against allowing your entire existence to orbit around your partner.

Of course, most of the effort going into creating these romantic evenings will end up being on your part, and I would caution you against allowing your entire existence to orbit around your partner. Yes, you’ve got to make the most of the time you can spend together, but it’s important to maintain and nurture other bonds as well. Is there any way that some of your lover’s mortal friends and family can visit him? Will you yourself ensure to spend time with other people and gods that you care about? These are all things that you need to consider when striking the delicate balance of your relationship in its new form.

Another thing I would say is that it’s not going to be perfect all the time. Even if you are aware of the choices you have made and working to maintain balance, sometimes you will just get frustrated with each other and your situation. It is inevitable and it is alright. The decision you are making is a significant one and it will take its toll. Don’t be afraid to express discontentment as and when it arises. You love each other and you will find a way through.

And that love is what you need to hold on to. You care about each other so deeply that you have thought of a way to be together for the rest of time. It is a wonderful thing and it ought to be celebrated. Let it be your guiding light in all the discussions, choices, and romantic evenings to come.