Have I lost the real me? (Io)

Dear Athena, I’m not proud of my recent behaviour. I’ve been making poor decisions in the romance department for months, somehow managing to convince myself that nothing was wrong. Then today, suddenly, I saw my reflection and didn’t even recognise the woman I’ve become. Strictly speaking ‘woman’ isn’t an accurate description. I am currently a cow. I used to be a nymph, but I have ended up changing literally everything about myself all for the sake of a man. Sorry, inaccurate again; a god.

You’ve probably guessed by now, but we’ve been having an affair. It was the usual story: I was swept off my feet by his power, his good looks, his charm. He told me about his cruel and jealous wife, saying that I was the only one who understood him, I was the one he truly loved. And I, of course, fell for every word, flattered and amazed that someone as wonderful as him could have chosen an ordinary girl like me.

Looking back, I think I knew that it was wrong from the start, but it’s pretty difficult to turn down an offer from an all-powerful divinity. I wanted to believe in our love. For the first time ever I was someone special, someone significant. But that also meant that I had to be someone secret.

I started seeing less and less of my friends and family, finding avoidance easier than lies. This freed me up to spend more time with my lover, and I started to forget all else that mattered to me. I had lost my identity long before my bovine transformation.

I’m ashamed that it took me so long to see it. That I had to grow horns and hooves before I could admit to making a mistake. The idea of hiding me in plain sight with this farmyard disguise wasn’t even successful. His wife found me and has decided to punish her husband by making my whereabouts her secret now. I am alone in the clouds, veiled from the rest of the world, contemplating my foolishness.

What a mess I’ve made of things. The funny thing is that what I miss the most isn’t my old form, but the connections, the laughter, the singing, all the things I used to do and share, all the things that made me me. I’d give anything to have that back. I’d stay a cow for the rest of my life if I could one day return home. I wholeheartedly regret my lack of judgement and I know that I deserve to be punished, but what I’d like to know is: do I have any hope of rediscovering the girl I once was? –head_in_the_clouds

Athena says: I have been known in the past to recommend metamorphosis as a way of escaping from a difficult situation. However, having heard this tale I feel I should point out that it is not to be undertaken lightly, it is to be used in emergencies only. This is not intended as a criticism of you, my dear @head_in_the_clouds. It is clear that you are not to blame for this unwise transformation.

You berate yourself for not picking up on the loss of your identity soon enough, but guess what? I commend you for your self-awareness. However long it took, you did eventually realise what was happening. Being able to admit that you’ve got lost along the way is huge step in the direction you wish to go.

I would say that in general you’re being overly harsh on yourself. It took two of you to commit this misdeed. Unfortunately, but unsurprisingly, you’re the only one having to deal with the consequences. Accepting your share in the blame is important, but so is remembering that dealing with a deity can cloud your judgement. Try to cut yourself some slack, you have enough to deal with coping with the anger of a vengeful goddess.

Dealing with a deity can cloud your judgement.

The next big step on the journey to reclaiming your identity is a daunting one. You have to take the bull by the horns and end your affair for good. This could be tricky given that your lover does not know your current whereabouts. Rest assured (or perhaps not…), that he will find you. Things have a way of working out for him.

I can’t predict for certain how he will react to you ending things, but he is unlikely to be pleased. Life may become even less ideal for you, but it won’t last forever. These all-powerful beings have rather short attention spans and he will sooner or later move on to something, or someone else. Naturally, his wife will also have to direct her wrath elsewhere.

Your eventual freedom from their drama may result in the reversal of your transformation, but I cannot be sure. Sadly I am not blessed with complete insight into the enchantments of other gods. However, your physical change was not your main concern.

Only you have the power to dictate who you are

In regard to your missing sense of self, I have happier news. Only you have the power to dictate who you are, and the changes you perceive in your identity are your own doing. It follows, therefore, that you can restore things to the way they once were. It will take time, and you may have to work hard to rebuild bonds and to strengthen the interests that you cast aside, but it is all entirely possible.

I should warn you that you won’t be exactly the same girl that you once were. Nor I hope, when you read what I have to say next, will you want to be. The last few months do not define you, but the lessons that you have learnt during them will shape your sense of identity going forward. You will be your old self, but with an added layer of wisdom – it’s a good look.

One of the key things that I hope this experience has allowed you to understand is that you were always special, and that all the things about yourself which you now miss are part of what makes you so. Hold on to that thought as you face the difficult times to come, and remember that no-one can ever take it away from you.