Dear Athena, I’ve found that people tend to forget about me, but as you are the goddess of wisdom you may remember that you and I have corresponded before. A long time ago now I wrote to you asking for advice on persuading my sister against risking her life to break the law. Unfortunately, I was unsuccessful in my endeavours, but I would still like to thank you for encouraging me to find my voice. Knowing that I did everything in my power to save her has been no small comfort to me in my grief.
However, this is not just an extremely late thank you letter. I believe that I have reached a crossroads in my life and, with no-one around to support me, I hoped that you might be able to offer me some guidance once again.
It is probably rather odd that I am seeking your counsel after a year that has been relatively un-tragic compared to other periods of my life. Although, as you know, that’s really not saying much…
Without fresh horrors to contend with I’ve been able to devote my time to mourning and honouring my departed family members. The losses all came so thick and fast that I never really had a chance to process any of it. While painfully sad, this time of grief and reflection was long overdue; I am strangely grateful for it.
I’ve spent my whole life holding on, to my family, our past, our home, holding on for dear life. After having this chance to say my goodbyes I wonder whether it might be time at last to let go. Is such a thing even possible? Is it right? Do I deserve to start a new chapter when my parents and siblings will never get such a chance? Even if I do, will I ever really be free of my family history? I worry that I am the final act of a tragedy waiting to happen, but there is a very small part of me that believes that if I finally take the lead in a story then it might just have a happy ending. There’s a world of possibilities out there. Is it time for me to explore it? – Not_burying_my_problems
Editors’ Note: For those not blessed with the same excellent memory as the goddess of wisdom, you can read the first part of Not_burying_my_problems’ story here: How do I re-write a tragedy
Athena says: I’m so sorry to hear about your sister. I think you and I both knew when you wrote to me that her mind was already made up, but I am glad to have helped even in a small way.
I am not at all surprised that a tranquil period of your life has left you perplexed and in need of guidance. You’re so used to everything going horribly wrong and in incredibly dramatic fashion that it must be difficult to know what to do with yourself when things are more smooth-sailing. Fortunately, I am well-equipped to deal with such situations.
Whatever path you choose to take at this particular crossroads, your greatest challenge will be not spending the rest of your life expecting disaster around every corner. Bad things happen, of course, but sometimes brilliant things do too. After all that you have endured I imagine that the most ordinary and uneventful of days feels like a triumph. Take the time to notice those days, that feeling. Slowly, your perception of normality will begin to change.
Your greatest challenge will be not spending the rest of your life expecting disaster around every corner
I’m aware that the future which you face is not what you hoped and prayed for. You probably haven’t even been able to imagine it until this point. The good news is that you don’t need to make any major decisions straight away. Simply choosing to look ahead, to turn the page is enough, because you’re right: it probably is time to let go.
However, the idea of holding on and letting go doesn’t have to be an all or nothing situation. Bidding farewell to memories which cause you pain doesn’t require you to turn your back on those which make you smile. You will carry the love that exists between you and your family with you for the rest of your life, but that doesn’t mean that you are destined to follow in their ill-fated footsteps. Rest assured that the sun has set on your shared tragedy. You bowed out of the final act when you held fast to your convictions in the struggle with your sister.
Simply choosing to look ahead, to turn the page is enough
Questioning whether you deserve a fresh start when your relatives are denied one is a kind thought, but let me ask you this: would they do the same in your sandals? I apologise if I seem harsh or disrespectful, but another thing that you need to become accustomed to is putting yourself first. This is your life. Your story. After everything that you’ve been through, that they put you through, you totally deserve this.
One issue which I sense that we’ve both been tunic-ing around around is, of course, where the paths leading from this crossroads will take you, and which of them you should follow. Annoyingly, having raised these questions, I do not feel that I should answer them. It is your future and nobody can tell you what to do with it, not even me. I do, however, have some suggestions. You are, if I am not mistaken, the heir to the throne of your city. Perhaps that is your destiny. Or perhaps it is time to lead a quieter life; to find out who you are away from public scrutiny and the notoriety of your family name; to choose a new home. I fear I may have given away which of these options I prefer…
But as you say, the world is full of possibilities, and I firmly believe that this is the time for you to embrace whichever of them takes your fancy. You have seen firsthand how painful, how fleeting life can be. You know how important it is not to waste a single second. Face forward boldly in the knowledge that you have left shame and sorrow in the past, that you hold your loved-ones in your heart, that this story is yours to tell. We can’t wait to read it.
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Dear Athena 