What about me? (Hermione)

Dear Athena, as a daughter of Zeus, I wonder if you know the struggle of having a ‘superlative’ parent? The feeling of being a footnote in a greater text, the feeling of constant comparison, the feeling that the most interesting thing about you is your famous family member(s). Then again, you are a goddess and therefore pretty superlative yourself, so these ideas are probably completely alien to you.

To me, however, these are very familiar feelings. My mother has a face that can launch, and indeed has launched, a thousand ships. She’s the most beautiful woman in the world, and she left my father (and me, which people often overlook), to run off with a handsome prince from a foreign land. To give him his due, my father is pretty noteworthy as well. He is currently busy immortalising himself in a war to win his wife back.

So yeah, it’s been about ten years since I last saw either of my parents. I’ve stopped asking myself how they could have left me. I get it, they’re superlative, they had to get on with writing themselves into legend, a place where I apparently do not belong. So where am I supposed to be? I know where I’d like to be. While my mother and father crave fame and renown, I desire only the ordinary. A normal life, a warm home, a loving, present family, laughter, tears, joy, sorrow, the lot. Is such an existence even possible for me? Will I ever be released from my minor role in my parents’ narrative? Have I been tainted by their notoriety? I don’t care if it’s boring, I want my story to start. – step_aside_granger

Athena says: I believe I can claim a passing acquaintance with the struggle of which you speak. But as you say, being a goddess does rather take the edge off these things. I can only imagine how difficult it must have been to grow up in your parents’ shadows, even when they weren’t standing near enough to cast them.

I think you’re remarkably generous in your attitude towards your mother and father. I doubt there are many people who would be so calm about their low ranking on the parental priority list. I suppose all these years apart have allowed you to see them as they really are.

You’re putting yourself first, as they have taught you by example

It’s good that you’re not harbouring bitterness and that you can understand why they behave as they do, but that understanding doesn’t have to turn into endorsement. Accepting your parents for who they are is one thing, accepting their treatment of you is quite another. After denying you an affectionate, attentive upbringing, what right have they to demand that you faithfully play a supporting character in their little drama? There is no need for you to feel guilty about wanting to take on a different role. You’re simply putting yourself first, as they have taught you by example.

You express concern about the impact that your parents’ notoriety might have on your future plans; I imagine you’ll be relieved to know that I think it will be almost inconsequential. What would be a problem is if you wished to follow in their footsteps. Your family history would be brought up every time you made it into the poets’ work, not to mention the accusations of nepotism that you might face. Spending a lifetime being overlooked and neglected is clearly not ideal, but imagine how easy it will make distancing yourself from your backstory…

Ordinary life is peopled by extraordinary individuals

I have more good news: you’re already more ‘normal’ than you think. As I understand it, confusion about where one truly belongs is commonplace among mortals. In typically bizarre human fashion, the very fact of not fitting in is what makes you a part of the group. And the idea that ordinary life is peopled by ‘extraordinary’ individuals is one on which I would like to focus for a moment. Following your own path; trying something new; leading a happy, fulfilling life, these are all courageous, exciting choices, choices made every day by brave, interesting people, people like you. Don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise

So let’s see, you have a guilt-free pass to step away from your parents’ story, your anonymity can open doors for you, and you’re already more normal than you think. It sounds as though you’re all set for a fresh start. It’s time to forget being forgotten and remember who you are. Ordinary life awaits!