Dear Athena, I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but here goes: I’m writing to you from the Underworld. That’s right, I’m dead. It’s all a bit of a shock to be honest. One minute I was fleeing my burning and besieged city, trying to keep up with my family, and the next here I was.
The worst thing about it all is that I’m not dead because of some vile act by the enemy, I died because my own husband was too busy to check that I was with him. He was so focused on getting his father and our son to safety that I seemed to lose all consequence to him. Many will probably praise him for his filial and paternal devotion. I can’t count myself among their number currently…
There are whispers among the shades that my husband has a great destiny to fulfil, that he will father a great nation. He has a long way to go, many struggles to face and battles to fight, and that worries me. Who will be impacted by his future instances of carelessness? What if my son is the next person he leaves behind?
I have to say, it seems somewhat unfair that he gets a destiny to fulfil while I got stuck with a one-way ticket along the highway to Hades. Was my death an essential aspect of his glorious future? How could he just forget me? -aeneid_of_an_apology
Athena says: How indeed? Honestly, the way that these ‘heroes’ carry on seriously makes me question whether they are worthy of the great destinies that are bestowed upon them. Those readers who remember the story of @abandoned_on_naxos will know that this sort of behaviour drives me up the pediment. I hate that it’s allowed to happen.
You’re right, people will praise your husband for his devotion to his father and son. After all, it cannot be denied that helping people to safety is admirable, but to my mind his care for them is cancelled out by his lack of care towards you. I would like to say that I’m sure he’ll feel a sense of guilt every time he thinks about his flight from home, but somehow I can’t see that happening. No doubt he’ll soon come up with some heroic spin to ease his conscience, and before long he’ll believe that to be the reality of what happened.
Are heroes worthy of the great destinies bestowed upon them?
There is truth to the shady rumours of which you speak. Your husband’s life is mapped out by a divine plan, and a new nation awaits him. Personally, I don’t see why your death would be necessary to make this happen. I might be getting cynical in my immortality, but it genuinely could be that whoever decides these things thought that this would be a better story if there was some romance in it, and a protagonist with a well-established, loving marriage just wasn’t what they had in mind.
Perhaps we’re looking at this in slightly the wrong way. Your death may not be a vital element of your husband’s destiny, but it could be a crucial component of his ‘heroism’. The role of hero is not typically conducive to a happy marriage. There is something fundamentally self-centred about it, and it’s almost as though ‘horrifying disregard for the women in your life’ is part of the job description.
At this point, I hasten to reassure you that your son is quite safe. He is a part of your husband’s destiny and so will not be cast aside. I suspect that there is something simultaneously comforting and unfair to be found in that.
Eternity is a long time to be angry
I apologise that I can’t offer more positive answers to your questions. You have been treated terribly, and without good reason. However, for now I suggest that we put aside your husband’s destiny (you’ll be hearing enough about it in years to come, trust me), and concentrate on your story.
You must be furious about what has befallen you, and I don’t blame you. But eternity is a long time to be angry. I am absolutely not saying that you should forgive and forget, but in order to make things easier for yourself, you may need to accept. You can’t change what has happened to you, you can’t change what is happening to your family, you need to focus on where you are and what you’re doing now. This isn’t something that you can do right away of course. It’s going to take time to process everything you are feeling, and that will be time well spent. Then, when you’re ready, you can go out into the Underworld and begin your new, well, death, I suppose.
I’ll leave you with one last thought, no matter what their fate is, the journey of all mortals ends at the same destination. Whether you decide to focus on a sweet reunion with your son, or getting some long overdue answers from your husband, I leave up to you…
Dear Athena 