Dear Athena, I don’t believe that there are words in the world that could accurately describe how I’m feeling right now. However, I’ll do my best to find some, otherwise there really wouldn’t be much point in me writing to you.
I’ll start with something easy. I am angry. Furious. Enraged. Incensed. I am also heart-broken. Devastated. Grief-stricken. Inconsolable. Yet strangely, overpowering all that rage and pain, I am shocked. I genuinely cannot believe the terrible crime that has been committed. I can’t convince myself that this has really happened. I cannot comprehend the fact that anyone would do something so terrible.
My husband murdered our daughter. Slaughtered her in front of thousands. All for the sake of a fair wind.
It does sound unbelievable.
Now let me be clear, I am not writing to you to ask for help coping with my grief. A part of me died with my daughter, and I have no desire to move forward. What I want is vengeance, but I am not asking for help in executing that either.
I suppose what I want to know is this: will punishing my husband soothe my daughter’s soul? I would do everything, sacrifice anything if I knew that it would. My other children despise me, all I can hope for is to help her. So please, tell me, will revenge appease my sweet girl? –rolling_out_the_purple_carpet
Athena says: I do appreciate when people are this clear in setting out what they need from me.
I will emulate your candour, and promise not to waste your time in my response. Having said that, I cannot go on without saying how sorry I am for your loss. Tragedies like this do seem too terrible to be true, and I can only imagine the hurt and anger that you describe.
You have asked me a direct question, so I will give you a direct answer: I am not sure. Being immortal, I know little of the secrets of the afterlife. However, what I do know is that there are laws which govern both the living and the dead. Your husband committed an atrocity in killing your daughter. It is a crime which requires punishment according to divine decree. Taking this as a basis, I think it is fair to assume that your daughter’s shade would be eager for justice to be done.
How could her own father do this?
How do you think she would feel if she were still alive? I imagine that she’d be as shocked, and hurt as you are. How could her own father do this to her? The strength of your feelings is valuable proof of the significance of both her life and death. The horrific act which took your daughter away from you is already destined to be commemorated. After all, it granted your husband and his army the fair wind they needed to set sail on their quest for glory. However, the way that it will be remembered is yet to be determined. And the power to determine it rests with you. With your revenge, you are condemning her murder as the hideous crime that it was. You may not be able to guarantee that you are soothing her soul, but you can be certain that you are honouring her memory.
You have deliberately not sought my advice on the act of revenge itself, and I will respect that. Nevertheless, I think that one day you will be grateful to me for telling you now that you will need to exercise patience. It is a long war that your husband has gone to fight, and in years to come, you may find yourself doubting whether you will ever actually get the opportunity to recriminate him. I suggest you work out now how to keep your desire for revenge burning as you wait for his return.
You will need to exercise patience
From the way you write, I sense that there is nothing about this situation that you have not considered, but I must still make sure that you have realised what the full consequences of your vengeance will be. Crime begets crime, and just as your husband’s punishment for your daughter’s murder is decreed by divine law, so will yours be for his. You have control over how the end of your daughter’s story will be told, but you will not have that same control over your own. I do not say this in an attempt to change your mind, or sway you from your course, but because it is my duty to ensure that you have all the facts.
It goes without saying that one of the consequences of your intended course of action is the fury of your other children. You may not be concerned about this, as they “already despise” you, but are they not also devastated by their sister’s death? Of course, loyalty to their father is ingrained in them, but that surely cannot prevent them from being disgusted by him. You may not be able to avoid their future hatred, but I do think that for now it is worth trying to make them understand why you feel as you do, why you must seek this revenge. The least they deserve is an explanation.
So, act as you feel you must, and when the time comes, I hope that you find peace not just for your daughter, but also for yourself.
Dear Athena 