Dear Athena, I would like to start by apologising. For what? You ask. For literally everything. Everything is wrong, and it is all my fault. Most people who say this are exaggerating, but I can promise you that I am not.
You see, there was this jar. A very beautiful, very mysterious jar. It was given to me and my husband as a wedding present. Neither of us knew what was inside it, but were instructed never to open it under any circumstances. You can imagine how curious that made us. It was so tempting to lift the lid for a look, but we held back…for a while at least.
At the beginning it was easier to put out of our minds. We were newly married, in a new home. We had other concerns. However, this changed once we had settled into a routine. My husband was still able to keep temptation at bay, preoccupied as he was by business affairs. I, on the other hand, grew increasingly restless spending my days waiting around preparing for him to come home, with nothing but that wretched jar for company. Soon, I could think of nothing else. My entire mind revolved around the jar and what might be inside it. My self control finally ran out.
I made the worst mistake that anyone has ever made. In lifting the lid, I released every kind of evil that ever has been or ever will be into the world. Every time I hear of someone’s illness, witness a quarrel, or come face to face with violence I know that I am to blame and I curse myself for my lack of restraint.
I am well aware that I did something terrible and that I deserve to be punished, but I have to know one thing: will it ever get easier? Is there any way to ease this burden, or should I prepare myself for a life saddled with guilt over that one moment of sheer stupidity? –thinking_outside_the_box*
Athena says: You are right that when a person says that everything is their fault, this very rarely turns out to be the case, and you may be relieved, and possibly surprised, to know that I do not think that you are, in fact, the exception to this rule. It seems terribly unfair that one small misdemeanour could have caused so much devastation. How could you possibly have guessed what lurked beneath the lid?
This problem has occurred due to circumstances far beyond your control. Someone went and bottled up all the world’s evil into a container and then gave it to you with no explanation or warning. You, my dear, have been the unfortunate victim of some divine scheme. After all, any mortal would eventually have been driven mad by the curiosity and given in. You, for whatever reason, just happened to be the one who was chosen. Take a moment to rejoice in your ordinariness. This could have been anyone.
Take a moment to rejoice in your ordinariness
Another thing to remember as you try to come to terms with what has happened, is that you are not directly responsible for all that evil. This would be a different story all together if you had personally created each wicked thing which crawled out of that jar, but you did not. Intent is important, and you were driven by curiosity, not malice. Hold on to your innocent, if foolish, motivation.
I hope that this goes some way towards convincing you that while what you did was unfortunate, it was understandable and, in the eyes of most people, far from unforgivable. However, while this knowledge will help you for the moment, it will not entirely wash away your sense of guilt. You are seeking reassurance and perspective, both of which I am happy to offer you, but guilt itself comes from within. It will only go away once you allow it to.
The guilt will only go away once you allow it to
Of course, this isn’t something that you can do in an instant. It will take time to accept the situation and your role in it. A crucial element in the process of making this happen is an awareness that permitting yourself to give up the guilt does not mean that you do not care about what has happened. You are sorry, you have made that clear. All you can do now is to prove that you mean your apology by putting as much good into your corner of the word as you can. Your guilt isn’t helping anyone. The power to release yourself from your burden is in your hands.
Now I’m going to let you into a little secret: there was one thing in that jar besides every evil known and unknown to man. Hope.
The cruel orchestrator of these events must have had a moment of weakness. They allowed humanity to believe that it might be possible to survive all of the trials, struggles and conflicts which they must now endure. Perhaps they can even conquer them? That belief can never be taken away and should never be taken for granted.
And that hope is for you, too. You can use it to draw yourself out of your pit of guilt and berating. Draw on it to believe that you can move forward, strengthened rather than encumbered by your knowledge of what you have done.
*Editors’ note: we are aware that it was in fact a jar that Pandora opened, but thinking_outside_the_jar doesn’t have quite the same ring to it, does it?
Dear Athena 