Dear Athena, a few weeks ago, you advised on a question that could only have been written by my sister. She wanted your help persuading me not to break the law and bury our brother. You were very sympathetic, and I’m not too proud to admit that it did me good to see her perspective written down. That being said, I’d like the opportunity to plead my case. To see what advice you would have given me if I had written in about this particular problem.
Luckily for me, not_burying_my_problems gave you most of the necessary context so I can get right to it. The king (my uncle) passed a law forbidding all citizens from burying my brother on penalty of death. I was, naturally, devastated by this. My own brother was denied funerary rites, rites deemed essential by the gods. The way I saw it, the king’s decree was not only a personal grievance, but a criminal act. Our family had suffered enough without bringing further divine wrath down upon us. Yes, burying my brother would undoubtedly lead to my soon joining him among the dead, but at least his soul would be at rest and I could be at peace knowing that I had done the right thing. And the right thing was what I was determined to do. For myself, for my brother, for the rest of my family. My sister said that the best thing for our family would be for me to obey the king, but I knew that I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I did nothing.
So, tell me what you would suggest to someone facing this dilemma. What was I supposed to do? – sister_doingit_forherself
Athena says: Well, this is a first! I’d like to start off by saying how delighted I am that you have been able to consider things from not_burying_my_problems’ perspective. It takes great strength to acknowledge that there can be more than one ‘right’ way of doing things.
In this particular situation there is, of course, one very clear wrong, but I have already commented on the sacrilegious nature of the king’s law in my response to your sister.
It must have been agonising to hear that burying your brother was forbidden, and I would have understood your impulse to disobey the king based on that alone. Your additional desire to adhere to divine decree is hugely admirable.
Did contravening the king’s command need to be your first response to it?
Something else for which I must commend you is your conviction. You knew exactly what you needed to do in order to feel as though you had done the right thing. Only you can know what’s required for you to be able to live with yourself, and if burying your brother was what it took then that is certainly what you were ‘supposed’ to do. But was breaking the law the only way to do this?
What I would have asked you at the time is whether contravening the king’s command needed to be your first response to it. Why not attempt to discuss the matter with him? Reason with him? Give him the chance to change his mind? Surely the most important thing was to ensure that your brother got buried somehow. And if it could be done legally (in the eyes of mortals), so much the better. You still had defying your uncle as a backup plan for if he remained immovable.
Above all I would have urged you to be kind
The other piece of advice that I would have given to you at the time is perhaps less relevant now, knowing as I do that you have taken the time to think about how your sister felt. I would have pointed out that your priorities were clearly very similar. You both wanted to do what was best for your family, even if you had very different ideas about what that was. I urged not_burying_my_problems to be as willing to listen as she was to talk, and I would have said exactly the same to you. You were not opponents in this situation, and I think that a proper discussion was required for you both to realise that. Above all I would have urged you to be kind.
I hope that you do now feel as though your side of the story has been appropriately considered, and I would like to thank you for reminding us that there is often more than one way of looking at a given situation.
Dear Athena 